Do you empty
your own hoover bag?
I've never used a hoover. I have people who do that for me.
How do you like to travel?
In the warm familiarity of Shirley's womb.
What colour is happiness?
The colour of my dreams, which seems to be a bright cobalt.
What colour is January?
Silver.
Are you any good at potato sculptures?
I've never tried, but I bet I'd be great.
What's the secret of the universe?
Music.
Do you like sardines?
Hell no.
What's your favourite item of clothing?
I've yet to find anything better than gold leather pants.
Have you ever considered posing in the nude?
Sure.
Have you ever been beaten up for no reason?
No, I always give them a reason. It's only polite.
What was the stupidest thing you did as a kid?
Accordion lessons.
What's the worst song you’ve ever written?
I've never been fond of “Vesper”.
Did you have a nickname at school?
Everyone just called me Twain. Or Gorgeous.
Do you believe human beings can spontaneously combust?
Yeah, and the chances are much higher for drummers.
Have you ever heard voices in your head?
Constantly.
Did you have any strange habits as a child?
I used to think the space under my bed was the Batcave.
What's the most horrid thing you have ever done?
Horrid is in the eye of the beholder.
If you were a car what would you be?
Something sleek and gorgeous.
Have you ever milked a cow?
Not intentionally.
What do you wear in bed?
I didn't catch her name.
I've never used a hoover. I have people who do that for me.
How do you like to travel?
In the warm familiarity of Shirley's womb.
What colour is happiness?
The colour of my dreams, which seems to be a bright cobalt.
What colour is January?
Silver.
Are you any good at potato sculptures?
I've never tried, but I bet I'd be great.
What's the secret of the universe?
Music.
Do you like sardines?
Hell no.
What's your favourite item of clothing?
I've yet to find anything better than gold leather pants.
Have you ever considered posing in the nude?
Sure.
Have you ever been beaten up for no reason?
No, I always give them a reason. It's only polite.
What was the stupidest thing you did as a kid?
Accordion lessons.
What's the worst song you’ve ever written?
I've never been fond of “Vesper”.
Did you have a nickname at school?
Everyone just called me Twain. Or Gorgeous.
Do you believe human beings can spontaneously combust?
Yeah, and the chances are much higher for drummers.
Have you ever heard voices in your head?
Constantly.
Did you have any strange habits as a child?
I used to think the space under my bed was the Batcave.
What's the most horrid thing you have ever done?
Horrid is in the eye of the beholder.
If you were a car what would you be?
Something sleek and gorgeous.
Have you ever milked a cow?
Not intentionally.
What do you wear in bed?
I didn't catch her name.
Have you ever accidentally swallowed a fly?
No, but I knew an old lady...
What was your biggest thrill as a child?
Hiking in the mountains with my dad.
What's your least favourite expression?
'Hi, I'm from Horatio Records...' or 'I'm an Osmonds fan'.
What did you have for breakfast this morning?
Haven't eaten yet. We only got in a half hour ago.
What keeps you awake at night?
The music of the party I'm at.
If you had 15 minutes to live what you would do?
I'd listen to “The End” by the Doors – Live in New York, probably - while drinking really good whiskey as I bid farewell to my friends.
What are your ambitions?
To write the perfect song.
How would you describe yourself?
'Twain'.
Who would you most like to be stuck in a lift with?
I didn't catch her name.
How often do you cut your toenails and where do you put the clippings?
I have people do that for me.
Do you pick the white stringy bits off oranges before you eat them?
I have people who do that for me.
Do you ever cut yourself shaving?
I have people who do that for me.
Do you mow your own lawn?
I have people who do that for me.
Do you snore?
I have people who do that for me.
What's your favourite hat?
I'm not really a hat wearer. My dad could rock the hell out of a fedora, though.
Have you ever written a fan letter?
I wrote Bo Diddley when I was 13.
Did you know the worlds biggest parsnip was 12 feet long?
Well, I can't think of any cock jokes to respond with.
If you could contact one dead person in a seance and have a chat, who would you choose?
I wouldn't. Whatever time we'd have would never be enough.
What's your most disgusting habit?
Perfection.
Have you ever worn a kilt?
In Scotland. I'd been drinking for three days by then, and I wore only the kilt. Or so I'm told. I woke up in a castle with six young women. The kilt was on the floor. That's all I recall.
Do you think you're good looking?
I'm JD Twain, baby.
Who do you not like?
The insincere.
Know any good jokes?
I have people who do that for me.
What's your favourite hat?
I'm not really a hat wearer. My dad could rock the hell out of a fedora, though.
Have you ever written a fan letter?
I wrote Bo Diddley when I was 13.
Did you know the worlds biggest parsnip was 12 feet long?
Well, I can't think of any cock jokes to respond with.
If you could contact one dead person in a seance and have a chat, who would you choose?
I wouldn't. Whatever time we'd have would never be enough.
What's your most disgusting habit?
Perfection.
Have you ever worn a kilt?
In Scotland. I'd been drinking for three days by then, and I wore only the kilt. Or so I'm told. I woke up in a castle with six young women. The kilt was on the floor. That's all I recall.
Do you think you're good looking?
I'm JD Twain, baby.
Who do you not like?
The insincere.
Know any good jokes?
Chip Larkin.
No comments:
Post a Comment